Flaps Theatre : Video Series

Flaps Theatre

Flaps Theatre is an absurdist DIY exploration of cunt based on real women’s answers to the question “What do you wish you’d have been told?”

Originally performed live at Dandifest 2014, Flaps Theatre is now delivered as a series of 20 micro-short films in weekly installments. This page will be updated with all uploads and information.

Latest Episode of Flaps Theatre


All Episodes of Flaps Theatre currently online

Flaps Theatre episode 1: “I wish my mum had told me it would bleed” 

Flaps Theatre episode 2: “Some people don’t know where everything is” 

Flaps Theatre episode 3: “Soap and semen can mess up your PH balance”

Flaps Theatre episode 4: “Squeeze your vagina muscles before cumming”

Flaps Theatre episode 5: “Weird looking shit comes out of it”

Flaps Theatre episode 6: “Singing Fanny”

Flaps Theatre episode 7: “Get in there and have a good explore”

Flaps Theatre episode 8: “Period Nutter”

Flaps Theatre episode 9: “Queef”

Flaps Theatre episode 10: “There’s Nothing Weird about Big Labia”




Directed, produced, performed and edited by Kayleigh O’Keefe

Devised by Kayleigh O’Keefe and Becca Patch

Choreography by Benjamin G Wilson

Shot by Jam Lindsay

Music by Kayleigh O’Keefe

Props by Kayleigh O’Keefe

Performed by Kayleigh O’Keefe with M-N and Benjamin G Wilson

Special Thanks to  Sam Walker-Smart


Original Monologues

i have a dark patch like a bruise on the inside of one of my outer labia, its a scar from when i bashed myself on a bench when i was little and i was proper freaked about about it for ages

I wish my mum had told me it would bleed. I used to ask her how I’d know when I’d started my periods and she’d just look mysterious and say ‘You’ll know’. When I actually did start to menstruate I thought I was dying.

 had a long think about this one, the better more friendly in front of strangers thing I wish I knew (if this counts) is that I wish I knew how much the pill can bugger about with your psychology and body. I didn’t have much of an option other than to take one or other versions, but knowing it could do this would have helped me feel a lot less broken and ill. Xxx

more about the following: – periods: what colour and texture the blood would be. – sex: the amount of blood and pain involved in the first time. – tampons: that it is possible to get them stuck up there. – men: that some of them don’t know their way around despite looking at ‘it’ way more than you do yourself. – weight: that you can’t see ‘it’ properly when your stomach gets fatter (nor can you reach there to even shave it).

…that there’s nothing weird about big labia and that they’re NOT teeny-tiny penises…

That orgasm for the laydeez doesn’t come from penetration!

That it would leak occasionally and that was normal, and is a part of the body keeping itself naturally healthy – no need to douche! That no two vaginas or genital areas in general look the same, and that is normal. There is no such thing as one size fits all when it comes to vagina sizes.

Genital warts are really nasty and need looking at before they spread *everywhere* & that flaps are actually ok.

I wish is have known it was ok to get in there and have a good explore! How are you meant to make friends with your cunt if you haven’t shaken hands with it! We’re often told when we’re growing up ‘don’t touch’ because it’s dirty.. especially for girls.. Boys not so much… INFACT, it’s much more of a taboo to think about teenage girls pleasuring them selves than boys. This is wrong in my opinion, exploring what feels good and what doesn’t is important for sexual liberation when you’re older and with a partner. To sum up: have a wank and don’t be ashamed to do it

I wish someone had told me that childbirth doesn’t ruin your vagina/cunt/minge/pussy/clunge/foofoo! Everyone is dying to tell you that you won’t be as tight and that the man won’t enjoy it as much and fannies everywhere are crying out ‘Well fuuuuuuck hiiiiiiiim!’ I wish I had known that I needn’t worry about that and that my sex life would be better after childbirth infact.

Your cervix moves! I don’t even underhand how that works.

That all fannies smell funky from time to time and when weird looking shit comes out of it, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have an sti/std, will be infertile etc. also how soggy it can all get during sex!

There are very common cysts that can come up on inside of labia. Can’t remember the word it a bit of cream from doc sorts them out. The present as not sore lump.

My Dort invented Singing Fanny when she was little. Bit like when you let air out of top of a balloon. According to her it had a moustache (something about the shape) so it was a he!

I have given this a lot of thought because, as a child, I remember even thinking about “down there” mucky. From the age of 5 I thought my clitoris was a mini willy. I had no idea if I was a girl or a boy. I felt like I was deceiving everyone. At age 9 or 10, by this time at an all-girl boarding school, I was enlightened – we all had these appendages – i knew because we looked at each others. I didn’t have a clue what it was called. I don’t remember being told I’d sprout hair!! I was one of the first, which intrigued the others who would whip my towel off after a shower to inspect my wow wow fro. By 11, having been given various books but no convo, I really had to ask me mam about the male genitalia having watched a film called TWINS with danny devito and arnold schwarznegger – whose character is pregnant – I honestly thought men had vaginas as well as a penis. It was nice to finally come to some sort of understanding about male and female genitalia when she explained. These anecdotes are condensed. Its safe to say that my wow wow remained an absolute mystery. Gotta laugh.

That it’s so prone to damage and infection and imbalances and the like once you start having regular sex

i was thinking about something actually but i dont know if its right or not (suprise suprise i’ve no idea about my own fanny again) can semen mess up your ph? cause with a couple of people i think that that has been an issue. and i know someone who was annoyed about having random pubis hair really far down thier thighs

If you squeeze your vagina muscles repeatedly before coming it makes your orgasm massive and long. I was told this by germain Greer but talks with colleagues have made it clear this is not necessarily a well known fact, so I feel it’s my duty to share!

I wish I’d been told anything useful about sexual response and about how beautiful cunts were. I started having sex knowing absolutely nothing about my cunt except what I discovered myself. Luckily I was a prolific reader, but ‘knowing’ things didn’t help me ‘know’ how to tell other people what I wanted, or to stand up for my own sexual needs, or how to protect myself from my own sexual insecurities. I think I had a lot of bad sex with people I wasn’t sure I really wanted to have sex with, up until I was in my early 20’s. Sometime around 23 I was shocked to discover how much my cunt really loved sex – provided it was the kind of sex that ‘I’ actually wanted. Since then I’ve seen a lot of cunts, and even watched my own change through pregnancy, and I’ve never seen a cunt that I didn’t find beautiful.

that many people’s inner lips are visible outside their outer lips and they’re definitely not some sort of half-born testicles. Except they sort of are

I wish I knew what it looked like, and that its scent can be intoxicating, for me and for others.

That everyone looks different


About Kayleigh

Glorious Leader of Gash Land, World Famous Artiste, Fist-Queen, Flabzilla and Pervert-Siren Kayleigh O’Keefe is a London-based artist working in live art and film to engage with sexuality, body acceptance and non-assimiliationist social assertion.

One Comment

  1. Totally love this.

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